Process of Dealing with Death Essay

When they are gone, we must learn to carry on. In today’s world, there are few things if any at all that last forever; whether it be something bought in a store, or even us human beings everything has an expiration date. Death is not a simple thing to cope with. It takes time to go through the stages of grieving and reach the final point of acceptance. As people, we differ from each other, which means that it may take a week, a month, a year, or even more time for someone to cope with the death of a loved one; it all depends on the person. The stages of grieving after a death in the family vary for everyone but most commonly they tend to include anger/denial, guilt, and the final step in coping with death, acceptance. It is often hard to accept the fact that someone who has always been by your side could suddenly be gone forever. The reality of the situation does not always kick in right away. Some people choose to deny the fact that someone they care about has passed away because they are simply not capable of handling the truth. In some cases, denial combines with anger at the passed loved one because they feel that the person who died left them too early and at a bad time. This was the case when my grandmother (my mom’s mom) passed away a few years ago. My mom was my grandmother’s only daughter that lived here in America therefore they were very close and cherished each other greatly. I have a vivid memory of my grandmother’s deceased body laying on her bed with my mom sitting on a chair next to her and pounding the wall with her fists screaming, â€Å"Why did you leave me, how do you expect me to go on without you?! You can’t be gone, no, this isn’t happening! † It was a hard sight to witness; first off, because of the fact that my grandmother had passed away, that pain on its own was difficult to deal with and to add on top of that my mom was in such an extreme state of denial and anger she would not let anyone near my grandmother. My dad and one of my uncles forcibly took my mom out of the room in order for the funeral home attendants to remove my grandmother’s body. Speaking from personal observations, the time that it takes for people to stop denying the fact that one of their loved ones has passed on, varies depending on the person. After a death in the family, those close to the deceased may experience a sense of regret or guilt for their actions and those of others. Once my grandmother passed away, I had a conference with my school counselor who asked me to tell her about the emotions I was feeling towards my grandmother’s death. One of the emotions I picked out was guilt. I explained that I felt guilty for not having spent enough time with my grandmother, and at that point (thinking like a child) I felt that my grandmother may have passed away because I did something very bad to upset her and she simply did not want to deal with me any longer. My cousin experienced similar feelings. Her emotions were centered more on regretting the times when she had an opportunity to spend time with my grandmother; but she chose to do something else instead. Other people may try to comfort themselves by finding someone to blame for the death of their loved one. Most commonly, this blame is directed at doctors. Even though there may not have been any opportunity for the doctor to heal or revive the dying patient, it helps some people to identify the doctors as the guilty party. The reason why they direct all of their negative emotions to the doctor is because they say, â€Å"It is the doctor’s job to make him/her better; he/she died because the doctor didn’t do everything in his power to make him/her better†. Everyone deals with death differently; some people may feel guilty for their own actions while others tend to look for a figure that they can blame for the death of their loved one. Acceptance is the final step in coping with death. This is the time during which those close to the deceased are able to go through an emotional catharsis. Arriving at this stage is not easy but it pays off because you are finally able to â€Å"let go†. It is important to keep in our memories those near and dear to us, but it is equally as important not to wallow in the past because by doing so, all hope for the future is suffocated. Accepting the fact that someone you love is gone forever is difficult, it is normal to feel filled with emotion. Once the fact that my grandmother had passed finally set inside my understanding I cried for many hours every day. Crying was my way of letting out all of the emotions that I had stored inside of me after witnessing the pain my mom had gone through and losing my grandma. Saying good-bye is not easy, but it is something that must be done. Everyone copes with death differently. It may take longer for some people to realize that even though they may have lost someone who has always been of great importance to them, life must go on. This is why it is important to learn ways in which to deal with the situation and simply make the best of it. Some things can be undone; unfortunately, death is not one of those things. Even though discussing death is not a cheery topic, it is important to not only know but also to understand the different stages of grieving because as humans we cannot run away from death or avoid it. All people have an expiration date on this planet, for some it is sooner than others. Understanding the steps/stages in the grieving process can be beneficial when helping a friend cope with the loss of a close member of their family. By knowing the steps and what they consist of, you will have an understanding of why the person is reacting the way they are. It also makes it much easier for you to guide the grieving individual to the final step of acceptance from which they can return to their everyday life with the understanding that death is part of the human life cycle, and as depressing and difficult as it may be to comprehend it is an inescapable aspect of our human lives.